Hello my fellow travellers,
When I pulled up outside my house today, I had the feeling again of having completely lost myself and my identity.
Who was I anymore? Who am I supposed to be now? When I get out of the car, what purpose do I have? What am I supposed to do now?
Usually when feeling absent from my life - disconnected - I would drive down to the shops, buy a can of coke and a packet of cigarettes and come home, sit down, drink my chemicals in a can and inhale my cancer in a stick, and go about my day still emotionally MIA, with the added bonus of feeling sick and stinking.
Still sitting in my car, staring vacantly out the window, I realised that NOW was my chance to try something different. NOW was my chance to start over. While I had no idea who I was anymore, this didn't mean I was powerless to shape who I wanted to become. I could build a better me.
I might not know the exact details and have a clear picture of who I want to be but that doesn't matter. Little by little I can extract the things I don't want, the outdated and misfiring parts, and replace them with productive meaningful building blocks that will mould and form the newer, better, stronger me.
And so with this wonderous realisation I decided to get out of the car, make a warm cup of tea, and write to you. Share the idea and the endless possibilities is provides for all of us. When faced with this abscence of self, we can all reform, remodell, and reshape ourselves. It's not depressing anymore but exciting. Enless possibilities await.
Now, I'm going to sit down and write a list of things I want in the new me. I'm going to take my power back and design, model and mould my new form. What shape will you emerge as?
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